Kentucky Republican, and heroic champion of limited government, Rand Paul had June last year expressed worry gay marriage will lead to marriages between humans and non-humans. It was at the time regarded as the world’s most insulting, ignorant, and nonsensical argument against gay marriage, but whether it was nonsensical or not, a man was joined with his dog in holy matrimony.
Paul had said, “It is difficult because if we have no laws on this people take it to one extension further,” Paul said. “Does it have to be humans?”
Apparently realising the backlash following his comment could do more bad than good, Paul called backsies on the comments later in the day. “I don’t think it will be with multiple humans, and I think it will be human and human,” Paul clarified on Fox News. Marriage will remain “human and human.”
Like he was prophesying, 35-year-old Paul Horner was joined to his dog in San Francisco just months later, in an outdoor ceremony by Father McHale.
McHale told reporters he was extremely happy to be a part of the joyous moment of life. “This is the definition of true love my friends.
“There is nothing more sacred than the bond between a man and his faithful dog,” McHale was quoted to have said.
“Now, since it is recognized as a legally binding marriage in the state of California, Mr. Horner and Mac will have all the same tax benefits and everything else coming to them that a regular married couple would receive. It’s a fantastic day to be alive!”
In attendance at the wedding which prides itself as the first-ever state recognized human-animal marriage was Horner’s entire family who flew in from Hawaii to witness the event.
“I just love my Mac so much, I can’t wait till we can finally get back to the honeymoon sweet in Montana where bestiality is legal. Gosh, get with the times California! We can marry here just fine, but love making is a big no-no,” said Horner.
“People keep asking me why I wanted to marry a dog. I told them I just want the same god given rights that every person in California is allowed to have. Don’t tell me I can’t marry my dog. I don’t tell you that you can’t marry a 500 lb woman with gas issues. That’s your decision. Don’t tread on me. I love my dog and I know he loves me a hundred times more than any gay wedding out there,” Horner had said.
Human-animal marriages have been happening for decades, but none has happened legally like Horner’s.
In 1992, Mark Matthews married his pony named Pixel.
In December 2005, Sharon Tendler, a 41-year-old eccentric British millionaire, married the love of her life — a dolphin named Cindy — at an Israeli resort.
In February 2006, Charles Tombe, a Sudanese man, was forced to take a goat as his “wife” and pay to the goat owner a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars (US$75) after he was caught having s*x with the animal.
In January 2009, in a bizarre ritual, two seven-year-old girls from the remote Pallipudupet village in India were married to frogs. The ceremony was conducted “to prevent the outbreak of mysterious diseases in the village.”
In December 2010, Joseph Guiso, a 20-year-old Australian man, married his best friend, a five-year-old Labrador.
There have been several cases of human-animal marriages, mostly out of necessity or compulsion in the past, but in recent times, humans have ridden on the ‘freedom of association’ to get it on with animals…’legally’. Lord have mercy!
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